Krista’s Little Life Lesson’s # 3 Everyone basically sucks and you have to be okay with that.
It has been a while and I have quite a lot to get off my chest. First I’d like to start off by saying had sad I am that things have worked out the way they have, or rather the lessons I have had to learn over these past few months. I am in a much better place right now, but its because I had to have a mental breakdown to get there. When I tried to reach out to a few people I considered good friends they basically told they weren’t my boyfriend (who is amazing at listening to me by the way) and that they weren’t going to sit and talk to me, watch me cry, or listen to me bitch.
As someone who was depressed and suicidal already because she felt like her anxiety problems were such a burden on people’s lives, this killed me. Then the jokes began, because of course I was an over emotional mess so I couldn’t take the jokes about my mental state. I was constantly being verbally abused by my summer-job boss and boyfriend’s mother. Every day I was treated like a piece of shit and told I wasn’t good enough. This went on for months. My best friend fell in love for the first time in a long time as well and though I no longer hold a grudge against her now, I needed her, and she wasn’t there.
Once September came around, I had lost it. I didn’t want to eat, I couldn’t sleep, and there weren’t many things to even get me out of bed in the morning. So I went for help. And even more friends were lost, my heart ached because I knew I was doing the right thing. Why was no one being supportive?
Now, its November, every day I feel a little better, but every day I cry too, I cry about the people I tried to tell my problems too and that walked away, I cry about the people who have the nerve to comment on medications, my doctors, and my life in general, instead of just simply calling me up and asking me if I am okay?
Then it was a few days ago, after a good talk with my boy, that I realized these are the kind of people who will always fall into the same habits because they don’t know what helping themselves is. They don’t understand what I am going through, not because I am crazy and they are normal but because I am mentally strong and want to fix myself and they are stubborn and living ass-backwards.
I don’t want friends like those. I realized friendship is all about quality not quantity. And when certain people finally started to come around to see if I was okay I knew I was, I knew I had a few great friends and that is all I will ever need.
As for being upset about all the things I’ve done for other people and how they weren’t there for me in return?
Fuck em, Karma is my favorite bitch.