My Mindset

My Mindset

Thank you so much for visiting my site and for taking the time to get to know me a little better! When I was younger I enjoyed to journal but that took a back seat to other responsibilities as my life changed.  After my husband and I found out we were having twins, I thought more and more about starting a blog of my own. I thought that having a place to talk about our journey and share the things that I was going through with the world would possibly be of help to another woman out there going through the same thing.

Furthermore, as I pondered how my life would change immensely with the addition of our two little “nuggets”, I realized that so many women don’t talk about the impact that has on their own lives and how hard it can be to come to terms with the change from girl, to woman, to mom.

When my husband and I found out I was pregnant at first, before we knew about the twins, we expected to put our child in to daycare and that I would go back to work. When we found out that we were having twins that all changed. How as I to justify leaving my little ones in the care of someone else when all I would earn each week was just enough to cover the expense of daycare? It didn’t make sense. After looking in to a few different options and realizing that the cost of putting two infants in to daycare in New York would be well over $400 a week, we made the simple (but difficult) decision of losing an income instead and I made the decision to be a stay at home mom (at least for a little while).

I’ve never had to be a stay at home mom. I’ve worked since I was 16 years old earning my own paycheck and contributing to the household financially. Now, at 26 years old, I would learn what it was like to make $0 a week. This is something I am still coming to terms with. After all, how am I supposed to get my makeup fix?

For the first time in my life I feel the need to connect to this experience on a different, more spiritual level.  I believe in a higher power, but I am not an avidly religious woman.  However, at this point, having faith that everything will work out for the best and allowing myself to enjoy this experience have been two of the most important things I make it a point to do on the daily. We will find a way to make it work. We have to now.

And then of course there was the barrage of opinions from the ever growing peanut gallery. You first timers know what I’m talking about! People are so different and we all go through life and deal with things differently. I’ve been argued with about opinions I haven’t even fully developed yet. Don’t worry, I will get in to this more later on! As you go through pregnancy and your body, mind, and life changes, you are expected to understand that people are just trying to help you by pushing their opinions and beliefs on to you. I had to remind at least three people that they could go on to have a cocktail after the conversation, but that I would have to deal with all of this while sober. I’m not trying to sound bitter or ungrateful, but at the same time they are called “personal choices” for a reason, they are “personal”.  Having sex, getting pregnant, and eventually having kids (I assume at this point) are some of the most personal things that you will ever go through. It can be overwhelming to have a ton of people weighing in with their opinions on the best ways to do that. My personal favorite conversation is one about breastfeeding. I will address this again later, but to be brief, varying opinions can often feel as though they are becoming judgmental and critical comments when people doubt your ability to do something that you haven’t even done yet. Not every time someone gives you advice is it rooted in this positive, well-meaning space.

Today I am 25 weeks and 5 days pregnant with my little nuggets! I am so excited to meet them and so worried about them 24/7.  I’m always worried that something is going to go wrong. Even after perfect doctor’s visits and plenty of ultrasounds I am still worried all of the time.  The doctor told us at our last appointment, which was May 25th, that we can expect to be induced 2 weeks prior to our due date, which means that we have just 12 weeks and 2 days to go! Sometimes it feels like this is taking forever and sometimes it feels like it is flying by. I am in disbelief every single day that we have been this blessed and that in just about three months we will have fully made two of our very own little people. It truly has been an incredible experience so far.